Comical Quotes courted

If it weren’t for electricity we’d all be watching TV in candle-light.
George Gobol
We live in an age where Pizza gets to your home before the police.
Jeff Marder
“Smoking kills, and if you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.”
Brooke Shields
“I think that gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman.”
Arnold Schwarzenegger
“What’s Walmart, do they sell like wall stuff?”
Paris Hilton
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
Rodney Dangerfield
"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL."
Lynn Lavner
"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
Camille Paglia
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
Jack Nicholson
"For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It's just unacceptable. And we're going to do something about it."
George Bush

Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?
Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.
I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.
Smoking helps you lose weight.. One lung at a time!
Sign in a bar: "Those .....Drinking to forget........ Please pay in advance."
Laugh and the world laughs with you, Snore and you sleep alone.
Sign at a barber's saloon in Juhu, Bombay : We need your heads to run our business.
Seen in railway station at Patna : Aana free, Jaana free, Pakde gaye to khana free.
The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday always just exactly fits the newspaper.
One day my Boss asked me to submit a status report to him concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough. He said, "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask for it!"
My dad is Irish and my mum is Iranian, which meant that we spent most of our family holidays in Customs.
I saw that show titled "50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one would be "Shout For Help".